Redefining 'Murder Of Crows'

Two crows have recently decided that I don't belong in this neighborhood.  After violently flying into Whitney's mother's head once and my head twice, I've come to the conclusion that they really are out to get me.  I emerge from my apartment and they're waiting for me.  They usually try to pull off a couple of sneak attacks while I'm walking across the parking lot, but fortunately they attack with so much zeal that I can hear the beating of their wings in advance and dodge their attempted assaults.  But I'm getting really tired of it.  So after arming myself with a small board for self defense, I've finally decided that I'm just going to go on the offensive, kill them, and hope that more don't come to avenge their fallen brethren.

Now I've done some reading on crows.  Apparently they're at the top of the avian IQ scale, so it appears I'm dealing with a very intelligent animal.  And they definitely have the advantage when they're in the air because they can quickly change course and dodge the parries from my board.  So I'm thinking that putting out poisoned bird seed might be the best option.  Now I realize that doing so might involve the sacrifice of a few perfectly innocent and harmless wrens, but I'm willing to risk it in the name of the integrity of my scalp.  However, I'm afraid that the crows will see this move coming and find a way to regain the upper hand.  So I'm beginning to doubt my own plans, which can only mean that they've already beaten me.  If only small rifles were legal here since I've had plenty of good shots from my window.  Any other suggestions? 

Update on Saturday, May 26, 2007 at 09:49PM by The General

Make that 3 times. One of them pulled off a very daring sneak attack and nailed me in the back of the head earlier this evening. I mean just nailed me. And I discovered that they have a nest in the tree just off my balcony, so maybe they have little crowlets that they're defending. Which makes me feel bad about killing them, but I can't continue this pattern of opening the door, looking both ways, and darting to the safety of the stairwell, only to be forced back out onto the battlefield as I dart across the parking lot. So they have to die. Either by my hand or that of animal control; I no longer care who gets to send them to their maker.

Comments

[John]

I've seen some pretty scary crows around Himi too. I think they must have gotten into some sort of nuclear material myself, as they're bigger than any crows I've ever seen. Be careful with the crows, man. They're dangerous!