Modern Day Drifter

If you are a very powerful political figure and a potential nominee from your party for a future presidential election, you face more scrutiny in both your public and private affairs than the average citizen.  This can be especially burdensome if you intend to engage in any form of extra-marital sexual liason.  Therefore, the OG and I would like to offer a special edition of our guidelines for adulterers.  Because this one is meant for powerful political figures who need to work extra hard to hide their indiscretions, we shall dub it "The Spitzer Addendum".  We do this because we feel that it is especially important for politicians to be able to engage in sexual indiscretions without having to face the wrath of public opinion.  Because really, who wants them to be sexually frustrated when they are debating the merits of invading other countries?

Number One: Don't take pictures.

Number Two (Spitzer Addendum): Always pay in cash.  If you will be paying for high-end luxury services and will need a lot of cash, arrange for the fee to be distributed in small amounts and to multiple sources.  This avoids the problems associated with hiding large cash transactions from the IRS.

Number Three: If you get caught by the wife, at least have some clothes on under the covers while you're playing cards with the babysitter who's sitting on the bed wearing a g-string.

Number Four (Spitzer Addendum): Conduct all communication about the liason with a public phone.  It's very difficult for criminal investigators to wiretap public phones.  Even if they do, it's impossible to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, in both the courts of law and public opinion, that you were the person using that particular phone which, by definition, is available to anyone.

Number Five (Spitzer Addendum): If you intend to use a paid service, and especially if you intend to do so frequently, do not be a memorable client.  You only raise the possibility that you will be remembered by the service staff.  These memories can, in the worst-case-scenario, become testimonies.  However, if you are just a regular customer and only require the most basic services and positions, you dramatically reduce your risk of being fingered.

We hope that these rules are helpful for all out there who wish to explore their sexual veractiy outside of the confines of marriage.  You can expect further updates as other sex scandals come to light.  We are committed to providing the highest level of service for our public figures and look forward to the day when updates to these quidelines are no longer necessary due to the inability of journalists to uncover extra-marital sexual liasons.  Thank you and go fornicate with confidence.